Tale of the Orange Blankey

Our middle son used to have an orange blankey he took with him everywhere. You could tell where he had been by the trail of orange fuzzies left behind (Trader Joe's in Bellingham, Grandma's in Tennessee, an old backpack in St. Louis). Sadly, we had to part with that orange blankey when we had to break his thumb-sucking habit.

When we moved to Scotland, we discovered that the blankey had been lost, and we were all heartbroken to discover Ikea didn't carry it anymore. That was one of a number of sorrows that compounded as we left Bellingham.

Fast forward to our arrival here in Malawi. We were all feeling discouraged with the temporary housing we were staying in. So we visited our future house and the couple staying in it. Chatting on the porch, we looked over and saw none other than the exact same orange blankey of yore! We assumed they had bought it and brought it from their home in the Netherlands. But, in fact, she had found it at the clothing market here and was happy to give it to us.

What most people don't know about the clothing market is the number of steps something takes to get here. Usually it starts as a clothing donation in the US. Thrift stores can't sell it, and so they give it to a group like World Vision. They then send it to a sorting facility, where volunteers (like RUF-UW students back in the day), sift through huge piles of stuff and send on what is decent and non-offensive. That all then gets bailed up and shipped to major open air clothing market stalls in Lilongwe. Buyers buy a bail for a small amount, and then hock the rest in their stalls. What comes to our small village has been bought by a local entrepreneur from the vendors in Lilongwe and then carted here by mini-bus to spread out on a plastic sheet for the big Saturday market. So, to have found our son’s blanket here, and from the open-air clothing market of all places is utterly astounding. We can't but see God's kindness to our boy who, at that moment, was really struggling with life here.

One of our major take-aways from this last year is that God is peculiarly kind to the broken-hearted.

Review 2021: A year of pain and praise.

This last year has been a doozy. If you’ve followed our updates you may have picked up hints. But, this blog-space has been all quiet. So, here’s a review of the last year. Bonus at the end: some lessons from along the way.

Review of 2021. A Timeline of Praise and Trials:

  • January: Packed up all our things, scrambled to get work done on our truck, gather supplies and books for Malawi, and clean up our before leaving Scotland permanently (We miss our friends there!)

  • February-May: Warmly received by the Partains, and the cousins' small homeschool co-op.

    • Dan reconnected with an old seminary friend, and tried to wrap up his PhD, while Bethany homeschooled in yet another region of the world while continuing the demanding work of her BA. We made new lifelong friends there.

  • June-August: Enjoying the glories of the PNW

    • Bethany continued to work on her BA in between seeing so many old friends, long summer days in Grammy's house, seeing Grampy and Uncle Will, and Dan preaching up a storm about what the Lord is doing in his Church in the world, and especially here in Malawi. Then, a last-minute and very difficult outpatient surgery for Beth that sent us on a tailspin of slow recovery for August (and even to today).

  • September-November: Arrived in Malawi!

    • Stumbling through the first few months of life here with excessive heat, and various encounters with cockroaches. Dan hit the ground running, beginning to teach the week after we arrived. Bethany pulled together yet another homeschooling routine and curriculum for our boys while working for the Allender Center and continuing her BA. Ruthie thrived in her homeschool co-op with 3 new friends.

  • December -January: Bethany brilliantly designs and finds quality materials on a thrice-weekly renovation scavenger hunt in Lilongwe. Dan was very involved in supervising the renovation of our 100 year old mission house, while grading exams and papers, and Bethany completes her BA!

  • January 15th 2022: Moved into our house. A place of abundance, stillness, space, fresh air, relatively few bugs, and constant power and water.

We praise God for all the life, and fun, and friends, and support we’ve received this last year. It lifted us up and kept us from being run down.

Lessons from the Road

God not only sustains us. His way is to teach and mature and strengthen even as we persevere. So here are a few lessons from our sojourn this last year:

  • Relocating is always dislocating because you lose your people who help hold you together

  • Only gnostics and fakers pretend they don't need their stuff. Home is where your stuff is.

  • When you are moving, your stuff no longer serves you, you serve your stuff.

  • Your social status, political views, health, and opportunities can all drastically and genuinely change depending on where you are in the world. And you can be just as well-reasoned in both views. The whole truth is exceedingly broad.

  • Power to protect yourself, buy goods, food, and shelter, etc. is extremely important when you are in the vulnerable position of traveling. Even better than getting more power: Dear Christian friends who gladly share their power, homes, and friendship with you to protect you and bless you.

  • You can't pack friends, but God always, always prepares at least one friend for you... usually more.

  • God is peculiarly kind to the broken-hearted (see the next blog post on the tale of the orange blankey).

Here are some pics from our time back in the States this year.

77%!

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The picture above was a demonstration of friendship from our African hosts to our boys. This kind of partnership and affection captures both how we want to walk with Malawians, AND how our supporters have walked with us.

We are so deeply grateful for all of you who have prayed with us, and who have gladly given from your own stores and resources to see our one-time costs covered. By God's grace, in a swell of support, we have reached 77% of our goal for one-time costs. Thank you for walking hand-in-hand with us, partnering to see this work grow into maturity.

That only leaves 24%, or about $14,000 left to be raised before we arrive in Malawi. At this rate, we are hopeful we can also get to our stretch goal and bring a good gift for the student housing as well. This is a double gift: not only are our needs and costs covered through the money given, but our stress and anxiety is much lower as we head into 2021.

December 2020 Update

Dear Friends,

This last year has been a terrible one for many of you. Losses, discouragements, and incredible uncertainty has colored the days, weeks, and months. This is why we are completely humbled and surprised by the steady support we've continued to receive. We imagine that in many cases it has meant tangible sacrifice and facing many financial unknowns. As Paul says, "I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God" (Phil 4:18)

As we return to the US, we are entering yet another season of fundraising for this work. More than anything else, we just want to say thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

We recognize that if in God's kingdom there is no gift too small (Luke 21:1-4), then there is also no small-ask. For some of you, there won't be money to give, understandably. So, would you give your prayers for us? Pray for the Lord to sustain and accomplish our work in these early stages.

For some of you there is money to give, but you need to decide whether this work is where it should go. We want all of our supporters to be prayerfully giving, confident of your partnership here. Since our last update letter, we've been so grateful to receive many responses of emotional and financial support! We are excited to have people on board who share our vision of building up the Malawian Church!

2021 Timeline (Lord willin' and the creek don't rise):

  • February: Leave Scotland, land in Indianapolis, USA

  • May: Move to PNW

  • September: Arrive in Malawi, our new long-term home!

Home sweet home!!! Any improvements made to it are considered gifts/direct investment into the local church.  We were told "the roof will last a year. It will leak in various spots, but it won't fall in ... until at least next year." Click the link …

Home sweet home!!! Any improvements made to it are considered gifts/direct investment into the local church. We were told "the roof will last a year. It will leak in various spots, but it won't fall in ... until at least next year." Click the link below for the rest of the construction costs.

Due to the tremendous generosity of dear friends we have already reached 50% of our one-time fundraising goal ! The only remaining one-time costs we have are for renovations to get the house above back into livable and comfortable shape.

November 2020 Update

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After much prayer and consideration, we've sped up our timeline to leave Scotland and go back to the US. This also means speeding up our arrival date in Malawi.


Tentative 2021 Timeline

  • February: Leave Scotland, Return to US (Indianapolis)

  • May: Move to PNW

  • September: Move to Malawi (originally planned for Jan. 2022)


As we look forward to setting up life in Malawi, this has highlighted some of the one-time fundraising we never finished!

We are still doing research on costs, but it looks like it will total around $50,000 (Eesh! See a tentative breakdown in the “read more” link). We'll finalize that number as the year progresses. Please pray with us for the Lord to gather those funds, as he always does so faithfully.

Every step we make toward Malawi involves more and more risk. So, we take steps bundled with equal parts of joy and terror. Joy because we move in hope that the Lord will meet us. Terror because the risks the Lord calls us to often leave us more vulnerable to failure, looking foolish, or sheer exhaustion. Lord, hold our hand as we follow you into the frayed future of our newly re-jumbled plans for the year.

July 2020 Update

Hello dear friends and supporters,

We have good news of progress in both PhD work, and the preservation of democratic process in Malawi. It's been a long trudge through lockdown, but here in Scotland things are looking up, so we are hitting the road for a holiday today.

We would love to hear from you all. Daniel continues to pray for one supporting family/church each day. We continue to be floored by the unwavering support we've experienced, and feel blessed to have people and churches who take our partnership as seriously as we do. Thank you all for enabling us to pursue this work.

Also ... We only have one year left in Scotland!!

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Strategy vs. Urgency: Let Love Be the Driver

This is the third of our philosophy of ministry signposts (see list at the bottom), part of our attempt to articulate lessons we have gathered along the way in ministry.

We hope these posts will be educational for our supporters and supporting churches by offering our perspective on the work we are partnering in. We also hope that these will lay the groundwork for orienting our future teammates to our work and team. And, as this is a public venue, we know that others can listen in too!

What Should We Be Urgent About in Missions?

Much of missionary work is centered around urgency. Often there are truly urgent needs: no clean water, failing health systems and epidemics, vulnerable and abused people to be advocated for. At this moment, the coronavirus pandemic certainly qualifies for one of those urgent needs. Apart from concrete needs, there is also a profound urgency for spreading the saving news of Jesus’ Kingship to every corner of the world. This is right and good.

However, urgency has been a motivator within missions for so long that in many popular appeals the two have become synonymous: to do missions is to do what is urgent. So, if we want to do missions, we often want to show how the needs are urgent, and therefore important. But, urgency can be a cruel master, and often has a way of pushing out strategy.

“But Africans don’t need advanced degrees, they just need basic help”

The quote in the heading above has been told to us explicitly more than once (and implied more than that). This is a good example of the way urgency can takeover our thinking.

The statement above begins with love. It is often said out of a feeling of sadness at the challenges the African Church and people face (poverty, sickness, not enough pastors, not enough training), and a longing to see things made better. But, as an immediate reflex, urgency creeps in and keeps that love half-baked. How so?

The reality is that while there are urgent needs on the ground in Africa (more pastors, more theological training, more books), they exist in part as a result of the lack of long-term strategic investment on the part of missionaries until now. Where are the African theologians with PhDs? Where are the commentaries written in Swahili, or written by Africans? Providing what is urgently needed often only helps the African Church limp along, instead of investing in their future and strategic long-term needs. (The Langham Partnership is a good example of this kind of strategic love).

Why can we say this so confidently? Well, in part, because we have spent time listening to African institutions, leaders, and churches, all of whom have repeatedly emphasized to us that the African Church wants to grow in their own theological depth and ability to produce quality work for their own context.

We also know that we would never accept less than this in the US. In the PCA, we would never want a pastor who went to a sub-par Bible College, whose thinking ability had not been carefully developed, and for whom there are no quality theology books or commentaries. Why then would we accept that state for the African church?

When Urgency is the Driver, It Stunts Our Love

Sadly, the reason we are happy for the African Church to limp along is often because our love is only half-baked: we give our scraps and not our best. Love no longer drives urgency, urgency drives love.

So long as our mission priorities are driven by urgency, what most touches your heart or, cynically, what donors will get excited about, we are on a dangerous course to begin using those we are meant to serve. This can be true in both our fundraising efforts as well as our vision and hope in relationships.

For example, when this kind of thinking is in place it is easy take the truly heart-wrenching stories among African communities and share them (or people’s pictures) without a second thought about that person’s privacy and dignity.

Or, as an example of the narrowing of our hope, it becomes easy to assume that whatever I can bring as a Westerner missionary must be better than what they have. It becomes easy to give up on the hopes and desires they have for a better future, and decide for them that meeting the urgent pressing needs are enough.

Strategy Can’t Be the Driver Either

However, it is easy to overestimate the importance of our actions in the kingdom of God. Strategy has long been an excuse to keep us from sacrifice. A scholarly example of this might be: “I probably couldn’t really serve and really do any good until I’ve really really grown as a scholar and published a lot.” In the name of strategy, this kind of thinking seemingly never finds a time good enough to sacrifice. The problem here is that the day will never come when we are in a position to judge just how much good we will really do.

What is most impactful is up to the Spirit of the Lord. He is the one who gives life and accomplishes what is most meaningful. So, all the best strategy is built up in vain if the Lord doesn't build the house. Odd as it may sound, strategy can’t be the driver either.

This may mean that we make investments which we later lose because they are the right thing for our loving long-term strategy. One such example for us is the investment of a Ph.D. We are investing our time and energy, and have asked our supporters to enable us to acquire a doctoral degree because this enables us to serve the African church in one way that is needed for the long-term health of the African church.

However, every investment is risky. It may be that the current pandemic so profoundly disrupts life in the USA and Malawi that all our strategy is upended as well. It may be that once we arrive in Malawi with a Ph.D in hand, the thing they need most from us is organizational help, and other forms of service which do not have anything to do with Daniel’s research area or specialty. … Actually that second possibility is pretty likely! Love drives us to invest strategically, and to willingly lose those investments to love the same people. This is why we wrote on taking the long-term view of patient trust in the Lord’s activity. Investment driven by love doesn’t demand fruitfulness, but prays and waits on the Lord.

This puts us into a place of wanting to carefully ask what the interests and priorities are of those we intend to serve, and yet being willing to lose all our investment if the Lord would have us serve differently. I think that's what David means in Psalm 31:15 when he says "My times are in your hand" (much like Jesus on the cross quoting a few verses earlier in Psalm 31:5, "into your hands I commit my spirit.") This is the pinch of uncertainty we live with. But this is the right place to feel the pinch, rather than imposing our agenda on our African brothers and sisters.

Conclusion

Urgency has too long been given a free pass in the way we think about missions. But strategy cannot take pride of place either. This is about the right ordering of our values: Love takes first place, ordering urgency and strategy according to its own agenda.

This is the third part of a series of blogs on why missions needs a long-term vision:

Taking A Long-Term View

Change is at the Pace of Relationships

Upcoming Topics:

Love Takes the Risk of Investment

Why Long-Term Ministry Needs Short-Term Visits

Change is at the Pace of Relationships

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The second post in a series of ‘Philosophy of Ministry Signposts’. The first can be read here.

Trust is the Currency of Change - Trust Takes Time to Build

Change only happens as we allow ourselves to be known. Being known involves the vulnerability of confession, and grief before others. Confession can sometimes be easy for some of us, but being grieved in front of others is quite difficult for all of us. Change also involves the vulnerability of hope. Hoping can be risky when you are surrounded by cynics, or memories of past failures. None of us are able to change without trusting the one leading us through the change.

“God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance” (Rom 2:4). God leads us in our sanctification first by caring for us and winning our trust. Consider the way he speaks to Israel in exile in Isaiah 40:1, “Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem and cry to her that here warfare is ended.” This comfort culminates in the announcement of a Messiah coming, “Behold your God!” (v.9) This God “will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” It is in the context of all the comfort, and the constant reminders of the suffering servant coming and Israel’s restoration that God also calls Israel to give up her idols (Isa. 40:18ff; see also Isaiah 44). Change happens in the context of trust. Trust is the currency of change.

This is true of the way the Lord works towards and in us. Doing ministry in Jesus’ name means we are embodied representatives of Christ. Paul calls us ambassadors (2 Cor. 5). As such, we are bound to do ministry in the same way he conducted himself toward people. This is contrary to way I have often conducted ministry as if it were a project to be completed, or a strategy to accomplish a goal. I was working at cross purposes with the Lord’s direction and way of working.

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The reason we are tempted to short-circuit this trust building and tender leading is that it takes a long time. It’s much more efficient and safe for change to be transactional. But God, in His holy kindness and wisdom, models a tender relational way to bring about change. It often doesn’t look like we are accomplishing anything, certainly not on the time table which profession and academic settings have habituated us to. But like a slow-cooker doesn’t seem to do anything when you turn it on, trust asks that we not judge too soon. Rather we aspire to give ourselves patiently, warmly, faithfully, and gently, that we might cultivate tenderness.

MUCH THE SAME IN CROSS-CULTURAL CONTEXTS

If this is true in normal parish ministry, then how much more so in contexts where we are cultural outsiders? Being a cultural outsider does not forbid being trusted, otherwise the missions to our pagan ancestors would have been impossible. Yet it does mean there are often obstacles to navigate which take extra time and humility.

In light of the difficulty and slowness of relocating and joining a community for missionaries, it should be clear that we chronically overestimate the impact we will have in the short-term.

We will only see change at the pace we are able to make relationships. This is part of why we want to dedicate serious time to learning Chichewa, the local language, when we arrive. It is an immediate way to break down linguistic barriers, as well as establish the beginnings of trust.

What Kind of Change Do We Ultimately Want?

Below is a suggestion about the different depths of change we can see in the course of ministry, ranging from shallow to deep. The divisions between doing, thinking, and desiring are no more than loose ways of talking about the different levels and tasks of change we are interested in. The deeper the level of change, the greater amout of trust and investment is required:

  • Doing/Technical - The way we do things can be changed quickly and easily. Administration can be built, leadership and accountability can be restructured, who I send emails to, how many meetings we have, and even what programs we do or events we host can all be changed and impacted easily within the space of a year. This is a legitimate and important level for change. But technical solutions only get us so far.

  • Thinking/Conceptual - The way we think about things takes more time to change. The process of learning new concepts takes slow and steady exposure to Scripture, listening to others, careful evaluation, prayer and attunement to the Spirit. Learning always involves unearthing, reevaluating assumptions, and unlearning, which can be painful and disorienting. Teaching new ways of thinking, thus, takes much patience, and a willingness to work with the learning process of the audience. The guide must have done the relational work to prove they’re trustworthy. Thus, to have thorough change at a conceptual level not only takes a long time, but also requires many intensive hours of engagement to bring it about.

  • Desiring/Volitional - Volitional change has to do with the very desires within us, the way we engage our desires and others around us. How do I move through the world? Who am I in the presence of others? This level involves the grammar, or the pattern of logic, operating in our relationships and the way we carry ourselves in the world. Counselors call this your ‘style of relating’. This has to do with whether I fundamentally approach people with compassion, or whether I use relationships, or hide from them. The fruit of the Spirit which Paul describes in Galatians 5 are all aimed at this level: a change in the way I am disposed toward others, toward myself, and both as a result of how I have come to see God disposed toward me. To be changed at this level is to desire differently, to feel differently, and therefore to have a different set of hopes and trajectory for relationships. This is the most difficult level of change, and many of us have not experienced this level of change within ourselves. This change comes through being related to differently, and takes the most time, sometimes even generations.

  • Cultural/Generational - This is not something I have seen, but a sense gained from listening and reflecting on the changes which have taken place in the last 100 years. Substantial cultural changes are most often the result of generational change. This means that culture is often at the whim of a rising generation. But it also means that if we would like to see cultural issues changed, it will likely take a generation of patient faithful ministry to see fruit in that direction.

A food metaphor here might help illustrate the differences I have in mind. At the technical level, you might be concerned with the right formation of meat patties for burgers: you want the meat to be cold for the fat to set, use sauces to add liquid and flavor, etc. At the conceptual level you might be concerned building a more wholesome meal around a grilled burger, or how a burger might fit within a menu as a whole at a restaurant. At the volitional level you might be concerned with the way you relate to food, why you overeat, or perhaps changing what you eat because you simply want to feel differently (burgers for lunch make for sleepy afternoons). The cultural level would have to do with the entire industry of meat production and consumption patterns.

As you might suspect, the deeper the level of change, the longer the change lasts. We saw this from our time ministering at Christ Church Bellingham. I was able to bring a good amount of change and help at the technical level within the first yar or two simply through additional administrative attention. I also did plenty of teaching. Yet I saw the most conceptual growth and change among those with whom I spent the most amount of time (and when I was a patient humble teacher!) However, at our church send-off evening, the thing people shared which impacted them the most was the way in which we lived among them and the crucial seasons we spent together: times of grief, prayer, waiting on the Lord, along with play and fun. That was as much an encouragement (kind words are such a gift), as it was a surprise. This was a lesson for me. Many of the things I had spent the most time on turned out to have the shortest-lasting impact.

Deep impactful levels of change require a humble, godly, and Spirit-led posture of the person leading. This is true in the sense that the Lord often uses most powerfully those who are most like him (“the prayer of a righteous man avails much” James ch.5 says). Like I said, change at the deepest levels requires deeper trust.

The Change We Want in Malawi

We want Gospel change. We want Academic Change. We want Personal change. We want to see the Gospel reaching more people, bringing renewal, revival, hope and joy. We want to see the training provided at the seminary (and elsewhere) deepened, sharpened, and given more academic strength so that the Malawians Church will be in a better position to minister, and to speak to the world with the gravitas it deserves. We long to see people’s walk with the Lord deepened, enriched, and resulting in powerful growth and change.

We want to see change and growth. But even our vision of what that change and growth should look like needs to be reshaped by the Malawian context. Trust is required before we can lead anyone into change, but humility, partnership and a listening ear are required if we would have a vision for a godly Malawian Church and Christian life.

One of the reasons we have become thankful for our time in Scotland is that it has given us opportunity for a slow start in our relationships in Malawi. Our last trip was a great encouragement on just this front. The Lord has opened up some wonderful conversations where we’ve been able to listen to the Malawian brethren involved at the seminary and synod, and begin dreaming of what change the Lord has for us all. We are excited to slowly walk along our brothers there, and see how the Lord will lead. Please pray for the Lord to continue giving us all a common vision, for the growth of our relationships, and for trust.

This is the second part of a series of blogs on why missions needs a long-term vision. Upcoming topics:

Strategy vs. Urgency

Love Rakes the Risk of Investment

Why Long-Term Ministry Needs Short-Term Visits

Taking a Long-Term View

In an effort to better communicate our own philosophy of ministry with potential teammates, and with supporters and supporting churches, I (Daniel) have decided to begin writing some short pieces. This is the first in a serious outlining our posture towards missions; one which we’ve learned the hard way over the years of ministry. Rather than a comprehensive map, each piece is meant as a signpost along the way saying “Here is what we’ve learned so far, and here is where we are heading.”

Why Missions Needs a Long-Term View

Much has been said about the potential downfalls of short-term missions. While I agree wholeheartedly with many of the critiques, my wife and I were led into long-term missions through short-term trips that created new relationships. This blog post is not about that particular side of things, but rather an attempt to flesh out the kind of ministry we are signing up for in long-term missions as missionaries, mission committees at supporting churches, home churches, and supporters.  I desire to speak honestly about the nature of this ministry, and how that should shape our expectations.

Most things I say here aren't unique to missions, but are true of local parish ministry as well. There may be reason why the Bible does not have one set of vocabulary for church ministry, and another special vocabulary for missionary endeavors.

Two sources of anxiety in this arena, which I believe to be misplaced, need to be addressed:

  1. Missionaries feel anxiety that their ministry is newsletter-worthy, being 'effective' enough, converting enough people, making enough of an impact, both for reporting back home and for their own encouragement.

  2. Mission committees and supporters often feel an anxiety around finding and investing in effective and important ministries. 

Both of these arise from a desire to do good work in the kingdom, which ought to be applauded. However, our ways of deciding what is valuable are often naïve to the realities of ministry. We often look for glorious ministry, when the Lord calls us to a cruciform one. 

With these things in mind, I will be writing a some blogs about the reasons we need a long-term view in missions alongside our sense of urgency. 

Many of your intuitions have to be retrained.

Many of your intuitions have to be retrained.


THE Weakness of Moving Cross-Culturally

A cross-cultural move is almost always one of losing power, dignity, and confidence.  This has expressed itself, in our case, with the contours of international life.

Power

    Its a loss of power in losing the right to vote, the right to move about freely (visas often carry travel restrictions), or to take up jobs as you please.  Its also a loss of power in what you leave behind: the community in whom you had influence, the language where you could be understood (less so in the UK, but, aye, nae bother), and an established institutional status. The last one was the most surprising for me. We had taken for granted how much status we relied on in being known and vouched for by many US institutions. One small example will suffice. Setting up a bank account in the UK requires that you have proof of address in the UK, and thus a house rented. But setting up a rental requires that you have a bank account from which you can set up a standing debit. How exactly can a stranger break in? These and many other hurdles describe the experience of powerlessness inherent in being an outsider.  While things in our case have been tempered through my status at the University, we nonetheless have faced some of the weakness an outsider faces. 

Dignity

    Its a loss of dignity because you have no idea what you are doing 90% percent of the time. We remember this especially from our early days in our two years Malawi. Just trying to buy tomatoes and bananas, not to mention figuring out how to drive on the left side of the road, left you feeling small. This was emphasized in our missionary language training. When you begin learning a new language, you take on the role of a baby. You are dependent on others to help you with everything. You can't even order an ice cream for yourself. This was still true in the UK. In our early months here, we faced numerous situations throughout the week where we simply don't know what was expected and end up getting honked at (multi-lane roundabouts!), appearing too brash (Americans don’t conform), or letting others down because we don't have life together quite yet (see paragraph above). All of this results in a loss of dignity. 

Confidence

    Confidence is lost through losing power and dignity, but especially through losing your community, and your sense of place. Church community and close friends provide regular support, affirmation, and more than all else, a sense of belonging. So much confidence is gifted to us through other's regular presence in our lives. When this is lost, we are left to shore up our own insecurities, our sense of what is right in the ambiguities of life. But that still sounds a bit to triumphalistic. It’s more like a wilderness journey than a victorious Marine mission. The result of all this is questioning everything from which bread to buy to moving houses ending up feeling like an existential crisis. Once or twice a week for our first 4 months, I often asked Bethany "have we made a great and elaborate mistake in doing this?" 

    In a nutshell, relocating is better described as dislocating. It takes time to restore those ruptured roots in the new soil. Of course, we are not meant to shoulder these things alone, and in our case, God has supplied very dear voices at the needed times from among our supporters and colleagues at Serge. However, I believe that what we experience in every cross-cultural move is not only common, but essential for what God intends to happen in us to make us ready for ministry.


Cruciform Ministry

While all of this may sound very depressing (and at times it is), this is part of God's genius.  None of these things stay this way forever. Rather they are an entry point. However, at the entry point we have a choice to make: will we submit to God's conforming us to the way of Christ's cross (cruciform), or will we find ways to insist on and replicate the life we once had? Practically speaking, this is not such a black and white decision; every missionary navigates the gray toward humble love between apparent luxury and micro-managing asceticism. The point, however, is that much of the loss the Lord engineers for us is meant to put us in a place of waiting on him. 

Waiting is the practical side of cruciform ministry. Waiting on him to send friends, to give us a place, to send us a language tutor, to connect us with the right people at the right time for the right purposes. And much of this waiting, is meant to make us into people who are not so obsessed by our power and dignity that we miss the very place the Lord intends to bring life. Paul says as much about his ministry:

... For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.   2 Corinthians 1:8–9

Despairing of life has never sold well on newsletters. But this is exactly the place where we begin to depend on the Lord to act, to show himself powerful, attentive, kind, and immeasurably gracious. It is when we have despaired of protecting ourselves from harm, despaired of our ability to pull off the life we expect (or which we think others expect), that we are free to minister without having to prove anything about ourselves. When the Lord has met us there, we can start to love others with more exposure, more vulnerability, more abandon. 


1 Year Down, Untold to Go

If this is how the Lord had us begin our ministry, as he does for most missionaries, we can begin to see the need for a long-term vision. The rule of thumb is that it takes about 1-2 years for all the dust to settle, to form friendships and find community, and for relationships to deepen (the subject of our next blog post). That's about when we went home from Malawi last time, just as things were getting sweet and showing potential. Another way to put this is that missions is an investment, and it’s just as costly spiritually as it is financially. It takes years to see the fruit of that early investment.

So for us, things are no different and we do not intend to hide it. Our first 6 months were very difficult and disorienting. There are still disorienting times, but we are praying, walking, and waiting on the Lord in them. We trust him that their difficulty has been part of his forming us into the image of Christ, who, "Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8) We anticipate going about the slow work of investing in relationships both here in Scotland and in our connections in Malawi. Part of what we want to invite our supporters to is joining us in praying and waiting. Would you pray with us as we watch and wait for the Lord to work? Prayer is the work of ministry, precisely because we are asking God to act in those areas beyond our reach. Missions and cross-cultural ministry serve to highlight just how much is beyond our reach. 

This is the first part of a series of blogs on why missions needs a long-term vision. Upcoming topics:


Change is at the Pace of Relationships

Strategy vs. Urgency

Love Takes the Risk of Investment

Why Long-Term Ministry Needs Short-Term Visits